Nine dogs, a cat, a pig, and a donkey are running for mayor of Rabbit Hash.  That’s almost as sorry as having to choose between McSame and Nobama!  I’d like to introduce Scampers the Squirrel for consideration in this race.

 

Cats are horrible leaders.  Have you ever tried talking to one?  They just sit there licking themselves.  They are too self-absorbed to worry about your problems.  Nothing would ever get done with a cat mayor.  (Other than construction of a ‘Cat House’, that is).  These animals murder birds!  In a 24-hour day cats are energetic for a mere 30 minutes!  How do they spend that time?  By chasing squirrels.  How disgusting!  Think about this… when a cat chases a squirrel up a tree only one of them is coming back down without the assistance of the Fire Companies Ladder Truck!  Does Rabbit Hash have a Ladder truck?  Do they have a fire department? 

 

A Donkey?  He is running on the platform of change.  A certain fish I knew was in a frying pan.  He desired some change so he flopped out of the frying pan and into the fire.  Apparently not all change is good!  The donkey is a pacifist.  If elected he has vowed to end the Civil War.  Does he really believe that Kentuckians and Ohioans can co-exist peacefully?  He said he would support marriages between two women, two men, or a man and an animal.  The liberals may be ‘excited’ about his position here but I know many sheep and chickens that are very concerned!

 

Nine dogs?  Can’t go wrong with that, right?  After all, the last 3 mayors were dogs.  But has Rabbit Hash progressed under their administrations?  Is being barred from entering the General store a move forward?  Picture this, the Board of Health trying to catch a squirrel to enforce their archaic laws.  I mock the Board of Health.  Don’t get me wrong about dogs, I do like and respect these ole fleabags.  I just believe that I’m a better candidate.  I’m not saying that dogs are lazy, but if you hid their grocery money under their work boots… they’d starve to death. 

 

What can I say about the pig?  Well, if you put lipstick on a pig…  If elected, how about we put him on a spit over a pit fire for about 8 hours?  Sounds like a good celebration dinner to me!

 

I would like to be the next mayor of Rabbit Hash.  I promise a rabbit in every pot.

 

 

 

I’m Scampers the Squirrel.  I have nothing to hide and I approve this message!

 

Scampers, you certainly have MY vote for mayor. Are you prepared to run around on the ground and greet visitors to your - um - one squirrel town? I do hope that you are devoted to the quaint and picturesque town of Rabbit Hash. I think that it is time a wild animal got equal time in office! While important issues may not get resolved, imagine the state parties that you could throw for other dignitaries (I use the term very loosely)!  Maybe you should have a rabbit as your running (hopping?) mate. Once you are in office, you could outlaw those pesky squirrel and rabbit killing cats and the lazy good for nuthin dogs. As for the pig, well that idea about a spit and pit sounds pretty good to me right now. I will bring the coleslaw!!!!

If you like Scampers, you’ll LOVE us!  Scampers is old school and too conservative.  We’re young, wild and vibrant.  We’re the future!  Don’t let our tame demeanor fool you.  Put us in a house after we’ve had our Mt Dew and its instant Party Time!  You thought hurricane Ike was destructive?  You’ve never seen us in a playful mood! 

 

One squirrel couldn’t possibly run a huge city like Rabbit Hash!  Elect us and we’ll have all three branches of government covered!  We will strictly enforce the cat leash law and we’ll pass a cat muzzle law!  We’ll put a cow in charge of agriculture and train it to produce as much fertilizer as a real politician.  We’ll name a hawk (provided he promises not to eat us) as our traffic advisor.  In case of emergencies (more then 3 cars moving at one time) we can reroute traffic as necessary.  We’ll ship in a rhinoceros as a crossing guard to protect the children.  Trust me, when a rhino says ‘Stop’, people generally listen!  And Obama and McCain will head our sanitation department.  They’ve both been spewing out garbage for years!  And we’re all for listening to the people.  We’ll take your advice on the rabbits and put them in charge of our military.  Yes, we’ll need an army to protect our quant and picturesque town!

 

Win or lose we’re all for the pig roast.  So yes, please bring the coleslaw.  We’ll supply the Mt Dew! 

 

                           

 

 

Oh this too damn funny! Great job guys! You brought laughter to a very dark day. Thanks!!